??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
