you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
