Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
