You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
