Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i dont even know how to be here
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
