Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
