he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
