Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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