my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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