Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I wish I only lived at night.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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