Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize