I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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