The maid of honor just puked.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
