I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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