Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
well you can't waste a boner
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
