My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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