So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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