I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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