My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize