i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
