please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
