you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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