I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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