I CAN MOONWALK!
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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