Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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