First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize