the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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