I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Randomize