sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
