It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
