he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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