i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
