I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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