Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
