Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
