Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
