make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
