At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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