Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i think i scared a bird with my dick
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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