Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
