I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
