My room smells like vodka and shame
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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