She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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