She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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