Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
