i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
