I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
