why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
