The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
