I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
