apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
