its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
