i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
