so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
