just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
