i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize