I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
