if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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