You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
