belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
