OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
