My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
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