margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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