How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
