one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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