I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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