why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
