and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
