am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
