um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize