is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
