a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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