i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
