I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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