You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
