Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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