I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
