Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
