Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
