That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize