I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
