god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
