508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
can u get pink eye on your cock?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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