i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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