: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
It's just like the Real World with babies
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
