do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
