Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
