the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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