I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
