mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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