i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
