I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize